My facebook clicker informed me that "Unkiedev's Unthinkables" has NINE whole readers! Yikes, and I haven't updated it in forever. I'm sorry to disappoint all nine of you, I shall rectify this now with an especially long blog on comics, columns and miscolumnifications:

By now you should all know of my brilliant and/or weekly comics column entitled "Unkiedev's Amazing Stuff," which runs in the Forbidden Planet newsletter, the "Weekly Planet," every Wednesday in New York City. It runs less frequently on their online planet here: http://www.fpnyc.com/weeklyplanet/index.html and even less frequently here on this blog.

At the New York Comic Con I had the fortune to meet up with several talented cartoonists, most notably Steve Mannion of The Bomb and Fearless Dawn  fame and Chris Schweizer, who's drawing a great all-ages book for Oni called "The Crogan Adventures." Both said that my columns on their respective projects do have a meager impact on exposure and therefore sales. If we all lived in frickin' France or Belgium guys like Steve and Chris would be knees deep in work, and respected like cartoonist kings. Here in America? Not so much. Most comic books these days are just pilot scripts for Hollywood or get canceled due to a lack of moolah.

I'm always eager to help with exposure and sales for talented creators.

They're always nice and supportive to me! Their kind words on my columns really made me think about the little devils. I usually write them and send them away, like a mother snakes with her squirming spawn. "I wonder," I asked myself "where these things go after I'm done with 'em?" 

I should like to reprint one of my columns here, both to highlight some great titles and to foreshadow the next movement of this column. I do warn you, it IS reprinted warts an all...I need better editors.

Ever since Mouse first hit Cat with Brick comics have been funny. If milk-through-the-nose level laughs and guffaws are what you crave you cannot go wrong with any titles on:

Unkiedev's Top 10 Funniest Comics You Can Read, Though Not Necessarily Buy:

Sam and Max: Surfing the Highway (OUT OF PRINT) - Steve Purcell

Cartoonist (and now Pixar artist) Steve Purcell's Sam and Max is the funniest of funnies, inspiring a TV show and several video games. Watch Sam the dog and Max the rabbit(?) a.k.a. the "Freelance Police," as they run over criminals, smuggle Mexican frogs and pants aliens in ancient Egypt. This high wire act of art and larffs is out of print, with copies worth hundreds on ebay. Don't Worry, Purcell assures fans they'll be back in print soon.

The Tick, Volume 1., #1-12 -  Ben Edlund, NEC

Milk and Cheese - Evan Dorkin is a respected "Go-To" funny guy, but it all started with this amazing indie blood-bath: A carton of Milk and a wedge of Cheese "go bad" and attack anyone and anything that get in their way. It's "Family Guy" stripped of plot or character. Just jokes, bricks, jokes, eye-gouging and gory dairy glory.

The Magic Whistle - Sam Henderson

Fart and dog-nard jokes for a range of intelligences, Magic Whistle walks a Zen like line 'twix trash and treasure. 3rd Grade Art + 6th Grade Humor = Comedy Gold under the pen of Sam Henderson, famous for his comedy writing with DC, Nickelodeon and "Sponge Bob Square Pants." Fans of funny: DO NOT MISS.

Cromartie High - Eiji Nonaka, ADV Manga

SQUEE - "Invader Zim" creator Jhonen Vasquez's single handedly created the Goth comics boom with the black comedy of "Johnny the Homicidal Maniac." While JTHM may be the bigger hit, SQUEE his follow up book is funnier. Not Goth? Fear Not: You don't have to wear mascara to have your mascara run from laughing.

Tank Girl - Alan Martin and GORILLAZ artist Jamie Hewlett's cult Australian riot-grrrl is cute and violent. Laugh as she sleeps and shoots her way through many a kangaroo with her eponymous tank. The new series from IDW and Ashley Wood will have fans screaming "Yes, She really IS BACK!" WARNING: Though juvenile, this is a "Mature Comic." Warren Ellis fans should buy this NOW.

What The..?! - Like Bizarro only Marvel, What The..?! was a racous Marvel monthly from the late 80's with top creators lampooning Marvel's biggest sellers. Never reprinted. Hunt down the first few issues, as the fake ads alone make it worth the search. Last year's revival book, "Wha...Huh?" was a tickling treat as well!

Bizarro World - Various, DC

Marvel Monsters - Eric Powell, Keith Giffen and other comedy pros bring you giant monsters making with the laughter and disaster, plus many of Jack Kirby's unintentionally hilarious monster comics from the 50-60's. Fans of this series NEED to pick up "Doris Danger's 'Where Urban Creatures Creep and Stomp!'" Available now.

Of course that's only the tip of the Zoidberg. Laughs abound, but only 10 can be the top 10. Next week I'll showcase a forgotten funny from the golden age. Till then: buy funny books and floss, floss, FLOSS!

Yep, good stuff. "So, oh-self-indulgent-one," I hear no one but the mocking voice that drives me to drink cackle in the bean-bag chair of my despair, "what has any of that wonderful prose to do with a hill of beans?!"

Thinking about "Unkiedev's Amazing Stuff" and how it lives on after my pen, I googled my column and name to see if anyone linked to my writing. I hit pay-dirt in a big way. Check this out: http://allegrablythe.wordpress.com/2008/06/26/unkiedevs-dazzling-inner-essence/ 

As near as I can figure, someone copied the above column verbatim and used bable fish or some other automatic online translator to rewrite my column in their native tongue. They then posted it on their blog, where our automatic filters translate it back. The result is stunning.

Equal parts nonsense and poetry, the newly dubbed column "Unkiedev's Dazzling Inner Essence" reveals great hidden truths through its telephone translation.

We can all laugh at the pastiche of words assembled in these sentences. " If siphon off-durante-terran plaster laughs and guffaws are what yours truly adjure, " it reads, "ego cannot go astray in line with every in relation to the titles by dint of: Unkiedev's Teetotum 10 Funniest Comics Alterum Pocket Catch, But Not And so Emption." It's like something out of a Dada kids book. Here's another great one from the Magic Whistle... excuse me, the "Falseness Basset Oboe" section: "Fans as for jocose: Make music NOT senhora."

What?

Often times we find better turns of fraise that what was originially intended. I think describing Milk and Cheese as "Jokes, bricks, jokes, make eyes at gouging and bloody dockyard splendor" is both succinct and wise. I didn't do it better myself.

And so polite: Marvel Monsters might have sold more books if it was titled "Quite a thing Monsters." My claim that What The..?! hasn't been reprinted was reprinted as "Not a whit reprinted," and I further agree that Jhonen Vaasquez is "keen amongst the night-veiled savor of wit," and that Tank Girl could be a fine "Mail Cart Matron."

I urge you to read the above linked article and have your own hybrid moment. Better yet, I urge each and every nine of you to start your own blogs (If you haven't already) and write a handy, cribbable list. Someone might try to "homage" your work through their polyglotial merry-making.

Until next time (which will be sooner than later, I promise) I'd like to remind you all "Locker ancient: Consumerism passing strange logbook and down, wool, Plush!"